Tuesday, January 13, 2009

4 Simple Steps to Happy Parenting

1. Lighten up. It's pretty easy to get into that cranky rut when your kids are running around and you know they know they shouldn't be playing tag in the house or tossing baseballs around in their bedroom. Or your teenager is listening to Motley Crue's "Shout at the Devil" for the 1,000th time at top volume. (Sorry, momentary personal flashback). Before you get angry, before you utter a sentence that begins with, "Stop," "No," "Don't," "Can't," take a deep breath, take in the moment, and lighten up. Take the game of tag outside and join in the fun. Ask your kid turn the tunes down a notch with a dose of humor. You're always a parent, but it doesn't have to be chore.

2. Let it go. The laundry, the dishes, the vacuuming. Unless you're living amongst dust donkeys under a pit of dishes, let something go. Repeat after me. Let. It. Go. When your kids asks you for help or to do a puzzle, instead of saying "Just a sec, I need to clean the [insert household activity]," go hang out with them. Put away the BlackBerry at the park. Close the laptop in the kitchen. You'll always have household chores and work to do, but how many amazing moments will you choose to miss because of them?

3. Listen. This is the tough one. Instead of preparing your monologue about how much trouble your kid is in, listen to him. Truly listen. Also? Listen to your little kids playing in another room and be amazed when they create imaginary worlds. Listen to your kids and their friends when you're driving on field trips or they're at your house hanging out. Listen to the chatter between siblings before they go to sleep. You will find yourself smiling and smirking with their banter.

4. Laugh. Often. Laughter is contagious. Use it to your advantage.

Tuesday, December 30, 2008


I love DC for many reasons and being home for the holidays reassures my love...Overheard...

Metro Behaving Badly
On the Green Line at Chinatown:

About 10:30 p.m. on Tuesday a guy gets on selling CD's.

Guy in a loud voice: "CDs... DVDs... I got the latest hits. Anyone want to buy some
"CDs... DVDs..."
"I got PORNOS. Get your pornos..."
(No response, a few people chuckle)
"I got MIDGET pornos y'all..."
(Laughter from a few folks, but no buyers.)
"I got midget pornos... Get your midget pornos..."
(Still no buyers.)
"No one wants midget pornos? Alright then, I've got Barack Obama T-shirts, cause it's time for a change!"
(The train erupts in laughter)

Regarding Matters Of National Security

In Crystal City:

An early- to mid-40s male walking down Crystal Drive, talking on a cell phone:

Guy, loudly into the phone: "(Name), the weapons are fine..."
Shouting into the phone while holding it in front of his mouth: "I SAID THE WEAPONS ARE FINE! THEY ARRIVED SAFELY!"

Monday, December 8, 2008


Sometimes and mostly this year, especially when you get stalked by paparazzi while Christmas shopping with your kid on a Saturday, this is how I feel about this town I live in...

1. Take a big fat shit.
2. Wrap it up in some nice shiney gold tin foil.
3. Put a Louis Vuitton bow around it.
4. Inject it with botox
5. Tell everyone its 30 instead of 45 days old.
5. And finally, have your drug dealer and therapist drive it over in their Bentley to hand out at your Country/Beach/Whatever Club, while you sit at home drinking a Vodka and Vicodin cocktail and fucking the pool boy....

LA is so stereotypical it's like living in a fucking really BAD 80's movie...

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

More Quotes

"If you're going through hell, keep going." - Winston Churchill

"Excellence Is To Do A Common Thing In An Uncommon Way" - ??

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy" - MLK JR

Wax In My Toes.

Wax In My Toes.

Addicted to the wax and sand that gets stuck on and between my toes, carried up and somehow, over time, ends up in my bed. Love my Volvo. Loving my veggies. Tomatoes, i could eat like an apple...Blueberries by the handful. Corn, steamed and stuck in your teeth. Avocados, guacamole or by the half with a spoon. Salmon w/ jasmine rice and green beans. Artichokes steamed for the hearts and the leftover water makes great tea! I love FOOD! Yum... Dont forget the Stella Artois...ok and the wine! I love to sleep with the windows open, i like to drive around and just think...I like to wake up really early and get coffee and go look at the waves. Its the best when its the middle of winter (California winter i might note..not really winter compared to places where you actually feel the seasons changing), when the air is cold, you can roll down the windows and put the heater on your feet. The best feeling in the world, is when you duck dive under waves. My favorite smell is fresh laundry and clean air. And that scent your girlfriend leaves on your pillow. I like taking part in random acts of kindness and conducting positive energy to those around me. I take pride in striving towards being one of the best friends any of my friends will ever have. Taking care of my Kaia, family and friends come first, then myself. I love living alone, its one of the best decisions i ever made for myself. Ive learned that a strong foundation is necassary in the attempt to live out your dreams. Everything in moderation. Honesty is always the best policy and patience is key. I have huge amounts of love and appreciation for the life i have been given. Thanks TP.

Friday, June 13, 2008

My Day...

"Nobody ever says, 'Hey, Daddy, thanks for knocking out the rent. I sure love this hot water. It's easy to read with all this light.' " The inside of the card says "Once a year, maybe. Happy Father's Day."

So it doesn’t work for all the stay-at-home dads out there, but it's better than the "Happy Father's Day, you incompetent boob – now have a beer" type cards.

Friday, May 30, 2008

Stimul-ass Checks

The federal government is sending each and every one of us a $600 rebate.
If we spend it at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China .
If we spend it on gasoline, the money will go to the Gulf States or Venezuela.
If we purchase a computer it will go to India .
If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico ,
Honduras and Guatemala.
If we purchase a good car, it will go to Japan .
If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy.

The only way to keep the money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes, weed, beer and tattoos since these are the only products still produced in the USA.