Palm Trees and Powerlines

4 Simple Steps to Happy Parenting

2009-01-13T14:50:00.000-08:00

1. Lighten up. It's pretty easy to get into that cranky rut when your kids are running around and you know they know they shouldn't be playing tag in the house or tossing baseballs around in their bedroom. Or your teenager is listening to Motley Crue's "Shout at the Devil" for the 1,000th time at top volume. (Sorry, momentary personal flashback). Before you get angry, before you utter a sentence that begins with, "Stop," "No," "Don't," "Can't," take a deep breath, take in the moment, and lighten up. Take the game of tag outside and join in the fun. Ask your kid turn the tunes down a notch with a dose of humor. You're always a parent, but it doesn't have to be chore.

2. Let it go. The laundry, the dishes, the vacuuming. Unless you're living amongst dust donkeys under a pit of dishes, let something go. Repeat after me. Let. It. Go. When your kids asks you for help or to do a puzzle, instead of saying "Just a sec, I need to clean the [insert household activity]," go hang out with them. Put away the BlackBerry at the park. Close the laptop in the kitchen. You'll always have household chores and work to do, but how many amazing moments will you choose to miss because of them?

3. Listen. This is the tough one. Instead of preparing your monologue about how much trouble your kid is in, listen to him. Truly listen. Also? Listen to your little kids playing in another room and be amazed when they create imaginary worlds. Listen to your kids and their friends when you're driving on field trips or they're at your house hanging out. Listen to the chatter between siblings before they go to sleep. You will find yourself smiling and smirking with their banter.

4. Laugh. Often. Laughter is contagious. Use it to your advantage.

Home...

2008-12-30T11:06:00.000-08:00

I love DC for many reasons and being home for the holidays reassures my love...Overheard...

Metro Behaving BadlyOn the Green Line at Chinatown:

About 10:30 p.m. on Tuesday a guy gets on selling CD's.

Guy in a loud voice: "CDs... DVDs... I got the latest hits. Anyone want to buy some
CDs?"
(Silence)
"CDs... DVDs..."
(Silence)
"I got PORNOS. Get your pornos..."
(No response, a few people chuckle)
"I got MIDGET pornos y'all..."
(Laughter from a few folks, but no buyers.)
"I got midget pornos... Get your midget pornos..."
(Still no buyers.)
"No one wants midget pornos? Alright then, I've got Barack Obama T-shirts, cause it's time for a change!"
(The train erupts in laughter)

Regarding Matters Of National Security

In Crystal City:

An early- to mid-40s male walking down Crystal Drive, talking on a cell phone:

Guy, loudly into the phone: "(Name), the weapons are fine..."
(pause)
Shouting into the phone while holding it in front of his mouth: "I SAID THE WEAPONS ARE FINE! THEY ARRIVED SAFELY!"

Sometimes...

2008-12-08T10:50:00.000-08:00

Sometimes and mostly this year, especially when you get stalked by paparazzi while Christmas shopping with your kid on a Saturday, this is how I feel about this town I live in...

1. Take a big fat shit.
2. Wrap it up in some nice shiney gold tin foil.
3. Put a Louis Vuitton bow around it.
4. Inject it with botox
5. Tell everyone its 30 instead of 45 days old.
5. And finally, have your drug dealer and therapist drive it over in their Bentley to hand out at your Country/Beach/Whatever Club, while you sit at home drinking a Vodka and Vicodin cocktail and fucking the pool boy....

LA is so stereotypical it's like living in a fucking really BAD 80's movie...

More Quotes

2008-08-26T22:22:00.000-07:00

"If you're going through hell, keep going." - Winston Churchill

"Excellence Is To Do A Common Thing In An Uncommon Way" - ??

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy" - MLK JR

Wax In My Toes.

2008-08-26T22:19:00.001-07:00

Wax In My Toes.

Addicted to the wax and sand that gets stuck on and between my toes, carried up and somehow, over time, ends up in my bed. Love my Volvo. Loving my veggies. Tomatoes, i could eat like an apple...Blueberries by the handful. Corn, steamed and stuck in your teeth. Avocados, guacamole or by the half with a spoon. Salmon w/ jasmine rice and green beans. Artichokes steamed for the hearts and the leftover water makes great tea! I love FOOD! Yum... Dont forget the Stella Artois...ok and the wine! I love to sleep with the windows open, i like to drive around and just think...I like to wake up really early and get coffee and go look at the waves. Its the best when its the middle of winter (California winter i might note..not really winter compared to places where you actually feel the seasons changing), when the air is cold, you can roll down the windows and put the heater on your feet. The best feeling in the world, is when you duck dive under waves. My favorite smell is fresh laundry and clean air. And that scent your girlfriend leaves on your pillow. I like taking part in random acts of kindness and conducting positive energy to those around me. I take pride in striving towards being one of the best friends any of my friends will ever have. Taking care of my Kaia, family and friends come first, then myself. I love living alone, its one of the best decisions i ever made for myself. Ive learned that a strong foundation is necassary in the attempt to live out your dreams. Everything in moderation. Honesty is always the best policy and patience is key. I have huge amounts of love and appreciation for the life i have been given. Thanks TP.

My Day...

2008-06-13T09:06:00.000-07:00

"Nobody ever says, 'Hey, Daddy, thanks for knocking out the rent. I sure love this hot water. It's easy to read with all this light.' " The inside of the card says "Once a year, maybe. Happy Father's Day."

So it doesn’t work for all the stay-at-home dads out there, but it's better than the "Happy Father's Day, you incompetent boob – now have a beer" type cards.

Stimul-ass Checks

2008-05-30T12:59:00.000-07:00

The federal government is sending each and every one of us a $600 rebate.
If we spend it at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China .
If we spend it on gasoline, the money will go to the Gulf States or Venezuela.
If we purchase a computer it will go to India .
If we purchase fruit and vegetables it will go to Mexico ,
Honduras and Guatemala.
If we purchase a good car, it will go to Japan .
If we purchase useless crap it will go to Taiwan and none of it will help the American economy.

The only way to keep the money here at home is to spend it on prostitutes, weed, beer and tattoos since these are the only products still produced in the USA.

The "Roomate"

2008-05-30T09:35:00.000-07:00

As I am about to venture into a new living situation, I have weirdly been reminded of the movie Real Genius. If you dont know what I'm talking about then rent the movie.

We are moving into a cute 2 bedroom 1 bath bungalow HOUSE WITH A YARD on the West side of LA. Unheard of for less than $3000 a month. Well we are paying almost half of that but there's a small catch... We'll have someone sharing the bathroom and kitchen. He's living in the studio in the garage and travels a lot which will totally work out. He's a cool dude too. However, this is all new to us and a little bit nervous about it.... then I see this article... Wish us LUCK!

Homeless woman lived in man's closet for year
Japanese man became aware of her presence when food began vanishing

TOKYO - A homeless woman who sneaked into a man’s house and lived undetected in his closet for a year was arrested in Japan after he became suspicious when food mysteriously began disappearing.

Police found the 58-year-old woman Thursday hiding in the top compartment of the man’s closet and arrested her for trespassing, police spokesman Hiroki Itakura from southern Kasuya town said Friday.

The resident of the home installed security cameras that transmitted images to his mobile phone after becoming puzzled by food disappearing from his kitchen over the past several months.

One of the cameras captured someone moving inside his home Thursday after he had left, and he called police believing it was a burglar. However, when they arrived they found the door locked and all windows closed.

“We searched the house ... checking everywhere someone could possibly hide,” Itakura said. “When we slid open the shelf closet, there she was, nervously curled up on her side."

Woman found the home unlocked
The woman told police she had no place to live and first sneaked into the man’s house about a year ago when he left it unlocked.

The closet is part of a Japanese-style room, one of several rooms in his one-story house where the man lived alone — or so he had thought.

Police were investigating how she managed to go in and out of the house unnoticed, as well as details of her life inside the closet, and if she had taken anything else besides food.

She had moved a mattress into the small closet space and apparently even took showers, Itakura said, calling the woman "neat and clean."

Quotes I Read Today....

2008-05-23T12:12:00.000-07:00

"Poor men want to be rich
Rich men want to be king
And the king ain’t satisfied
til he rules everything"

"In a world where what we want
Is only what we want
Until it’s ours"

Gotta love living in Los Angeles....

Thanks For The Good Times!

2008-04-30T09:43:00.000-07:00

Father of mind-altering LSD dies at 102
Swiss chemist Albert Hofmann discovered iconic drug in 1938

Proves to show that moderation is the key.. Dude died at 102!

RIP Mr. Hoffman

MSNBC Link to Article

This is what it's all about

2008-03-10T22:06:00.000-07:00

Things like this are what make me proud to be in R&D in technology. How cool is this??!

The Boston Retinal Implant Project recently developed a bionic eye implant that will restore vision to those affected by degenerative blindness. The device works by being implanted into the back of the eyeball and working as a light transmitter to the brain, where the two are connected by a nerve/wire thinner than a human hair.

Now the technology has its limitations; it won't give site to those born blind or who suffer glaucoma, nor will it offer perfect vision. Only those who previously had sight, and a semi-functional optical nerve, are eligible. The idea is that it will give the blind a general sense of their surroundings so they can function on a basic level. But researchers do hope to improve the technology so that users can recognize things like facial detail and expressions in the future. [Boston Herald]

Amen Sista!

2008-02-14T12:49:00.000-08:00

Ok so here's another great post that speaks to mind... I know I know I can't just post other people's posts.. Bear with me here, I'll write some originals soon.

If you are in this type of relationship then R-U-N! What the final straw for me besides the obvious, was that I was cooking, cleaning, working 60 hours a day, and taking care of littles and the dogs. If only PAM (Punk Ass Momma which is how she will be referred to from now on) could have had some sense to realize this.

Even More On Sex and Chores (and Chore Sex)
from Strollerderby by Kelly Mills

If there's a theme emerging on the Derby and in the rest of the news, it's that women want guys to do more in the way of housework, and doing the dishes or folding the laundry is essentially foreplay. There's even this article on the hotness of a man who knows how to wield an iron (some ladies made a "porn" book of photos of guys cleaning, hee hee). Now, I'm gonna bet that some guys already pick up the house without being told, maybe even as the neatnik in the family. But the bottom line is this: If you and your partner aren't necessarily compatible in the standard of cleanliness you require for sanity, the messier of the two is probably going to have to pitch in even when they don't want to, because that's part of being in a relationship. One person doing the lion's share is a recipe for trouble unless that's an agreement both are on board with.

That said, of course the same goes for sex. You have the clean(ish) house, it also seems fair to me that if one person has a stronger libido, the other person may need to do it even when they aren't begging for it themselves. After all, why should one person have to constantly tamp down their desire because the other one is rarely in the mood? Obviously there's extenuating circumstances (illness comes to mind) at times and maybe some work has to be done to make the experience more interesting for both parties. But either way, any natural incompatibility is probably going to necessitate compromise, and the solution probably can't be living in a pigsty and only having birthday sex, or giving in to the other person's requests for chores or sex with complaining or eye-rolling. Love is lots about giving, and not being an asshole about it.

If the idea of having sex makes one person resentful because they are tired from doing everything, or the notion of chores pisses someone off because they are treated to shabbily and never even get any, maybe it's time for someone to call truce. But if you are the clean one and the libidinous one, well, we'll find you some different porn.

Hallelujah! Dad's Get Some Credit

2008-02-13T15:07:00.000-08:00

Being a dad is tough in the sense that you get singled out as the idontknowshitaboutkidsbutimfun parent. Being the single dad means the now I HAVE to know shit about raising a kid and ALSO being the fun parent.

I read a bunch of blogs about kids and parenting and have found that they always assume its the mom's duty. Check out the article below from Strollerderby... I feel a little vindicated now...phew...

Dads Matter, Even For Baboons
from Strollerderby by AmyinMotown

A recent review by Swedish researchers of 20 years of data on father-child relationships bears out an idea that should surprise none of us: Dads matter.

Specifically, having an active, positively involved father reduces behavior problems in boys and psychological problems in girls. And it has a significant effect on reducing criminal behavior in kids from low-income families and improves intelligence, reasoning and language development.

Why, it's like dads are breastmilk!

"For example, we found various studies that showed that children who had positively involved father figures were less likely to smoke and get into trouble with the police, achieved better levels of education and developed good friendships with children of both sexes," says Dr. Anna Sarkadi from the Department of Women's and Children's Health at Uppsala University, Sweden.

"Long-term benefits included women who had better relationships with partners and a greater sense of mental and physical well-being at the age of 33 if they had a good relationship with their father at 16."

And hell, the benefits apparently hold true for baboons as well.

The researchers are calling on healthcare professionals to encourage and welcome more engagement from fathers, and on policymakers to set policy that makes it easier for dads to be involved.

It seems like a no-brainer, but I know that sometimes people focus on my role as mother and kind of dismiss that tall guy standing next to me who knows our kid as well as I do. Lots of the networking that goes on among parents tends to be mother-focused. A little more dad love would be good for everybody, methinks.

Just Get IT Done...

2008-02-12T19:01:00.000-08:00

Dealing with an IT group is very similar to dealing with a 5 year old...

"Just do it when I ask you to please so that I don't have to ask you over and over again."

The beauty about dealing with the actually kid is that you do have some "control". I've been a liaison between the Business side and the Engineering side of multiple multi million dollar corporations for almost 10 years now and I thank my lucky stars for this ahem, skill. In fact it does translate well to kids in either defusing an argument or buttering things up a bit in order to GSD (Get shit done).

The main challenge I have here, when dealing with my child, is that I am at the top of the chain. No mom = no CTO to get his/her people to do as I ask. No complaints, just a challenge. I've learned the hard way that I need to stick to my guns at home...at least until I get bamboozled into a bribe I can't refuse. shit.

Apartment in a Box...

2008-02-11T20:16:00.000-08:00

Sung to the tune of "Dick in a Box"... Shai I got one up on you (See Post here: http://24dollarsoftrinkets.blogspot.com/2008/02/its-couch-in-box.html)

Apartment in a box bitch!

A Pink Wig, Ketamine, and Thinly Sliced Fish

2008-02-11T11:58:00.000-08:00

So I've gotten a lot of questions as to who is Maccio Carpaccio... Here's the true story rather than keep you all guessing.

A long time ago, during the 1st or 2nd Tibetan Freedom Festival in DC......

Somehow, the lead guitarist (name rhymes with bone) from this band called Pearl Jam, ended up at the Glebe house. Well after a nice night of typical 308 debauchery and a pink wig on said guitarist, I was called to come and give him a ride to the hotel so that he wouldn't miss the show.

It was 10am and me being a good boy and getting some sleep, I was called as nobody else could drive. I arrive, get the pink wig off his head, the girls off his arm, get him in the car, breakfast and off to the hotel. As we get to the hotel, he invites me back for lunch on him for being his savior and buying him breakfast. I said cool see you later. Before I leave, and this is a quote.."Ask for Maccio Carpaccio. Thats what I register as so that groupies and crazies don't know I'm here. It literally translates to thinly sliced yellowtail."

It's all in the name... thanks bro. Hilarious

They are Called Cliche's for a Reason...

2008-02-11T08:52:00.001-08:00

Life is short, enjoy as much as you can....

You are an inspiration to us all who only dream about living life to the fullest.
May you chill with Buddha and make him laugh as much as you made us laugh in your next Journey.

RIP Jersey Mike.

Word of Wisdom

2008-02-10T22:29:00.000-08:00

"If you are going through Hell, keep going." - Winston Churchill

Wax in our Toes

2008-02-10T21:52:00.000-08:00

Addicted to the wax and sand that gets stuck on and between my toes, carried up and somehow, over time, ends up in my bed. Love my Volvo. Loving my veggies. Tomatoes, i could eat like an apple...Blueberries by the handful. Corn, steamed and stuck in your teeth. Avocados, guacamole or by the half with a spoon. Salmon w/ jasmine rice and green beans. Artichokes steamed for the hearts and the leftover water makes great tea! I love FOOD! Yum... Dont forget the Stella Artois...ok and the wine! I love to sleep with the windows open, i like to drive around and just think...I like to wake up really early and get coffee and go look at the waves. Its the best when its the middle of winter (California winter i might note..not really winter compared to places where you actually feel the seasons changing), when the air is cold, you can roll down the windows and put the heater on your feet. The best feeling in the world, is when you duck dive under waves. My favorite smell is fresh laundry and clean air. And that scent your girlfriend leaves on your pillow. I like taking part in random acts of kindness and conducting positive energy to those around me. I take pride in striving towards being one of the best friends any of my friends will ever have. Taking care of my Kaia, family and friends come first, then myself. I love living alone, its one of the best decisions i ever made for myself. Ive learned that a strong foundation is necessary in the attempt to live out your dreams. Everything in moderation. Honesty is always the best policy and patience is key. I have huge amounts of love and appreciation for the life i have been given. Thanks TP.